Weird Shit

True or False: John Choi can Slam a Huge Beer Bong

The answer is true, and don’t you DARE challenge his drinking abilities again. (JK, he sux.) Even though he’s been caught red-handed pouring shots out on the pavement to avoid drinking and getting redizzied, we have footage from EVO 2007 where I brought the infamous “Tenderizer”.

Lifted from IRC:

[15:48] <@Abby_> Where’s the tenderizer?
[15:49] <@shytzoo-> DJ doo doo hands is up in here
[15:49] <@Roommate> dude
[15:49] <@Roommate> i don’t even know
[15:49] <@Roommate> there were 3 editions
[15:49] <@Roommate> of the tenderizer
[15:49] <@ROM> the tenderizer
[15:49] <@Roommate> original, champion edition, and turbo
[15:49] <@ROM> is that the thing that nearly killed bas
[15:50] <@ROM> I die now?
[15:50] <@albert_c> isn’t there a youtube video?
[15:50] <@albert_c> i wanna see that shit
[15:50] <@Roommate> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgxXlj4gwMQ
[15:50] <@albert_c> someone link it
[15:50] <@Roommate> lol
[15:50] <@Roommate> dude
[15:50] <@Roommate> that shit was like over 6 years ago
[15:50] <@Roommate> fuuuck
[15:50] <@Roommate> the best part of that video
[15:50] <@Roommate> is like it feels like a homosexual nerdy version of girls gone wild
[15:50] <@Roommate> without any chicks
[15:51] <@Roommate> just a bunch of dudes with video cameras
[15:51] <@Roommate> watching another dude suck down beer
[15:51] <@Ramin> while being on their knees
[15:51] <@Ramin> that is evo in a nutshell
[15:52] <@Roommate> hahahahahah
[15:52] <@Roommate> for real
[15:52] <@kerni_the> nerds gone wild
[15:52] <@ChoiBoy> damn
[15:52] <@ChoiBoy> memories
[15:52] <@Roommate> mamories
[15:52] <@albert_c> sick video
[15:53] <@ChoiBoy> tenderized

Correction

While surfing the Internets in between multi-hour beat-off sessions, I happened to stumble upon this thread on Alex “Calipower” Valle’s Facebook earlier today, and I was particularly intrigued by commenter “Dale Kim.” He said, and I quote,

If John Choi was the protagonist of this story there would have been alcohol and women involved before it’s conclusion.

Go Korea!
Dae han min gook!
-Dale Kim

Unfortunately, this is not entirely factually correct. While Dale’s comments are true for the most part, I believe there needs to be more glowsticks, black slacks, and Sandstorm mp3s in this story to make it true.

Seriously, the guy wakes up to Sandstorm every morning.

Seriously.

Link – Alex Valle’s Facebook

John Choi’s Philosophy Of Women, Part II

From Shoryuken.com:

Prima Nocte/Nocta/Noctis is a term that, scientifically put, means the king gets to tap any chick on their wedding night first aka first DIBS. “It Is My Noble Right.”

What’s the association with John? I have no idea, but apparently it’s there, and everyone on SRK knows about it.

And it’s on his stick.

So, uhhh… I guess this means John plans on having sex with your fiance when you decide to marry her. Just FYI.

Next time you see him, ask him what it means, because I sure as hell don’t plan on it.