Funny Stories With John Choi

True or False: John Choi can Slam a Huge Beer Bong

The answer is true, and don’t you DARE challenge his drinking abilities again. (JK, he sux.) Even though he’s been caught red-handed pouring shots out on the pavement to avoid drinking and getting redizzied, we have footage from EVO 2007 where I brought the infamous “Tenderizer”.

Lifted from IRC:

[15:48] <@Abby_> Where’s the tenderizer?
[15:49] <@shytzoo-> DJ doo doo hands is up in here
[15:49] <@Roommate> dude
[15:49] <@Roommate> i don’t even know
[15:49] <@Roommate> there were 3 editions
[15:49] <@Roommate> of the tenderizer
[15:49] <@ROM> the tenderizer
[15:49] <@Roommate> original, champion edition, and turbo
[15:49] <@ROM> is that the thing that nearly killed bas
[15:50] <@ROM> I die now?
[15:50] <@albert_c> isn’t there a youtube video?
[15:50] <@albert_c> i wanna see that shit
[15:50] <@Roommate> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgxXlj4gwMQ
[15:50] <@albert_c> someone link it
[15:50] <@Roommate> lol
[15:50] <@Roommate> dude
[15:50] <@Roommate> that shit was like over 6 years ago
[15:50] <@Roommate> fuuuck
[15:50] <@Roommate> the best part of that video
[15:50] <@Roommate> is like it feels like a homosexual nerdy version of girls gone wild
[15:50] <@Roommate> without any chicks
[15:51] <@Roommate> just a bunch of dudes with video cameras
[15:51] <@Roommate> watching another dude suck down beer
[15:51] <@Ramin> while being on their knees
[15:51] <@Ramin> that is evo in a nutshell
[15:52] <@Roommate> hahahahahah
[15:52] <@Roommate> for real
[15:52] <@kerni_the> nerds gone wild
[15:52] <@ChoiBoy> damn
[15:52] <@ChoiBoy> memories
[15:52] <@Roommate> mamories
[15:52] <@albert_c> sick video
[15:53] <@ChoiBoy> tenderized

What Elite Top Players Secretly Talk About

This is a real conversation between two of the most elite Street Fighter players out of America — John Choi and Ricky Ortiz.

[11:11] Choi: when u gonna get a license foo
[11:11] Choi: do u wanna buy my old camry
[11:11] Choi: i’ll sell to u for cheap
[11:11] Choi: bluebook is like 2500
[11:11] Choi: if u buy i give for 1500
[11:11] Choi: u can finally drive!
[11:12] Choi: car is old but maybe perfect for u
[11:13] Ricky: Excuse me… 1500 is like a nice leather jacket
[11:13] Ricky: Haha
[11:14] Ricky: I could prolly already afford a car I just gotta get my license
[11:14] Choi: go get that shit!
[11:14] Choi: lol leather jacket
[11:15] Ricky: What would be a Ricky car? And don’t say a bug! Then shits are ugly.
[11:15] Choi: well
[11:15] Ricky: People always say mini Cooper
[11:15] Choi: u need a bitch car
[11:15] Choi: like
[11:15] Choi: a del sol
[11:15] Choi: bug
[11:15] Choi: a mini is nice too
[11:15] Choi: um
[11:15] Choi: jetta
[11:15] Choi: those are all nice girl cars
[11:16] Ricky: I really wanted a sti
[11:16] Ricky: Those are sick
[11:17] Choi: wtf
[11:17] Choi: ok speed racer
[11:17] Choi: ahaha
[11:17] Choi: dude
[11:17] Choi: ur first car
[11:17] Choi: gotta be a piece of shit
[11:17] Choi: then u upgrade later
[11:20] Ricky: You know how I do!
[11:20] Ricky: I can’t have a beater at first
[11:20] RickyH: Ima feel so ghetto
[11:20] Ricky: Haha
[11:26] Choi: princess ricky

I know what Ricky should do. He should buy a car… so he can drive to buy EVEN MOAR leather jackets. Fucking ELITE strats right there.

Here’s a poll: What kind of car do you see Ricky Ortiz driving? Answer below:

What Kind of Car do You See Ricky Ortiz Driving?

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Who Is This Man?

Check out this funny story John sent me earlier today:

Choi (1:54:37 PM): QUOTED: I was watching SNCR with my 8 year old nephew (ryu player) and had to leave the room during one of your matches. Before I left I told him how you were the OG top player along with alex back in the day. He was impressed etc.

So I leave the room and return just as your match ends. This was our conversation.

Me: Who won?

8 year old: The Ryu Player

Me: John Choi?

8 year old: Yes. Hey want to know what john choi’s middle name is?

Me: Why, did they say it on the stream? Ok what’s his middle name?

8 year old : John Fucking Choi.

That’s right — it’s Mr. John Fucking Choi to you.

John Is A Hero

I know it’s been a few days since I’ve last posted, here’s a story for you that shows you John’s true colors as a hero, even though he’s trying to look hard in the above pic. Myself, my girl, and John drove up to San Francisco for a couple of birthday parties, and let me tell you, if you ask for a “real Saturday night”, John will give you one.

First off, let’s preface this with the fact that John’s been on vacation, and you’ll realize that when he’s on vacation, that dude doesn’t SHAVE. Next time you see that fool at Evo, tell that dude to SHAVE!! He looks like a damn bum!

Look at him! Anyways, we decided to go out a gay bar (as usual) and we walk in to the building and the craziest shit happens. We take two steps and…

John’s got chicks on him like rabid dogs on meat. At a gay club. I seriously did not know wtf was going on. Maybe THAT’S why he always wants to go there… fuck! What have I been missing???

Regardless, we’re all there having a good time (clearly, as designated through the pictures), and myself and my girl get completely wasted — her moreso than me. She ended up needing to go home early because she was passing out, so I called it an early night while John stayed back with the party goers.

Fast forward an hour later, I get home and my girl is passed out in the car. After carrying her up the stairs in a drunken state, I carry her to the bed, and she accidentally shifts her weight onto me and pushes me into a standing mirror, which I happen to break with my fall. Needless to say, I was bleeding like a motherfucker, but I was too drunk to care.

I ended up just passing out on our living room couch since my girl was sleeping in the middle of the bed all comfy. Fast forward 3 hours later, and it’s about 5 am. John comes stumbling in with another person who was SUPPOSED to be designated driver, but John ended up saving the day and driving everyone home safely. He even helped the DD stand up to take a piss because he was too piss-ass drunk to stand!

And then, after that, John saw me bleeding on the couch like an invalid and decided to play a game of Dr. Mario/Trauma Center and nursed me to health. I was too drunk to give a shit, but either a. he didn’t want me to bleed to death, or b. he didn’t want me bleeding on his couch. I’ll just pretend like it was A and feel good about myself.

So what’s the moral of this story? You can pretend to be a designated driver and then get wasted so you can’t drive, get piss ass drunk to the point where someone has to help you stand to piss, cut yourself with a broken mirror 500 times, bleed on a couch, and John will still take care of you.

The end. You’ll have to pardon my shitty writing because I think I lost too much blood over the weekend.

How John Handles Women

Last night, John Choi was sighted getting his first look at the final build of the upcoming Super Street Fighter 4 at Capcom’s Fight Club taking place at Slide in San Francisco (whew).

Eight beautiful setups featuring Mad Catz Tournament Edition joysticks were on site, as well as SRK royalty Tom and Tony Cannon, Mr. Wizard, Campbell Tran, Ricky Ortiz, Seth Killian, and Kineda. (And some ghetto white dude named Rob. I swear that guy has a GPS map of strip clubs within a 50-mile radius on him at all times.)

Funny but true story: According to early reports, these girls rolled up at the same machine John was whooping ass on. The girl on the right asked to play and got dat phat ass in line. While waiting, she ended up talking about how she used to LOVE Street Fighter “so, so much” and was excited to play Super Street Fighter 4 to check out all the girl fighters.

John, always intrigued by women (and even more so by women that can handle stix), was going to see if this girl could hang. Read more »

Funny Stories With John Choi Part I

This episode, brought to you by Kineda:

me (12:19:30 PM): who the hell are those chix Read more »