Exposed

Guess What I Did This Weekend

This weekend, I had the pleasure — no — the HONOR of spending my Saturday night with John Choi at home with a few select friends. Guess what we did? Hint: It involved cookies, stoner movies, and lots of sitting.

WEEEEEEE

John Got an AWARD!

Last week, I went over to John’s parent’s house to visit his family and was ultimately tricked by John to do some cheap manual labor/housework and install a new set of curtain rods in 120 degree San Jose summer heat. However, I stopped in his room to check out where this SF legend slept and probably masturbated for the early part of his career, and lo-and behold, I found this (click for the bigger image):

So we all know that John is one of only FOUR people in the history of the universe to receive this old yet ultimate “Lifetime Achievement Award” decades ago. He and three others, which include legends Alex Valle, Mike Watson, and the mysterious Tomo Ohirioioio (TDR PEOPLE!) were the only Street Fighters ever to receive this award, so you’d imagine that John would be particularly proud of it — proud enough to hang it up in the house he grew up in. (I like the Yun and Yang card on the side. LOL we’re all nerdz.)

Anyways, after living with John for over a year now, I’ve learned that he’s a stand-up guy and is always in the pursuit of excellence — whether it be Street Fighter, non-korean Hoez, raving/sandstorming, making fun of me and my terrible Street Fighter skills, acadamia, or being up-to-date with the latest male-semi-homosexual fashions — but I didn’t realize he maintained his high-quality approach in his corporate life as well.

Yesterday, John came home and brought in ANOTHER award from his work. Check this out (click for the larger image):

Notice anything interesting? Look a little closer (click for the larger image):

HAHAHAHAHAHA, this guy is godlike at inter-office fireballing, too. HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH.

John Choi + Sandstorm, A True Love Story

Now, I’m no acclaimed movie director, but I do find my first piece in my documentary series on John Choi a true hit. All jokes aside, this dude seriously loves Sandstorm (it’s his Evo entry music), women (as exhibited by his collection of durex extra sensitive condoms), and glowsticks. I fucking told you so!

And wait til you see his booze collection. That’s how he gets ’em.

P.S. – Work From Home days are the shit. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if John installs some locks on his doors tonight.

BONUS ROUND: John Choi + Sandstorm caught fooling around.

John Choi Likes To Fake It

John Choi is a master of mind games. Whether it’s him getting in your head at a high-level game of Champion Edition footsies or him somehow convincing you that you desperately need a vasectomy while he tags your girlfriend in the bathroom of TGI Sushi, there’s no doubt that he has some sort of powerful jedi mind tricks up his sleeve.

Except for when it comes to drinking.

Koreans are known to hold their liquor, but even for some of the stronger drinkers like myself, we gotta throw in the towel when we’ve gone past our limit. However, if you’ve ever had drinks with John, you’ll realize that he HAS no limit.

Bullcrap.

I shit you not (and I have multiple reliable sources on this story), John will have a few drinks with you, but if he doesn’t feel like drinking a shot, he won’t give it back — he”llĀ  actually dump it on the cold hard concrete while you’re not looking. Sneaky bastard.

You see, there have been multiple confirmed reports that John Choi likes to dupe people into believing that he’s drinking as much as they are. Unfortunately, no one remembers shit because they’re wasted as fuck and John manages to scamper off with his liver in tact. But one fateful day at Keystone II aka Albert’s Arcade, he got busted.

In the past, this specific type mind game tactic has worked particularly well for John, especially for girls. I’ve seen him order 2 shots of Patron and 2 shots of water for a party of 4. Guess who got the water. And guess who wakes up naked with their panties off in John’s bed. (Hint: It’s not me. Okay sometimes it is… but not always.)

Lesson of the day: If you buy John a shot, confirm that it’s alcohol, make sure to watch him down it, or else expect to be hoodwinked.

EDIT: Testimonies

@MrWizard too bad its true!

@sosage I always wondered how shots seemed to dissappear from John’s hand quicker than everyone else’s
@sosage I thought he was just a quick drinker

[15:24] Mike: lol
[15:24] Mike: the old water shot trick
[15:24] Mike: saved my ass many times

John Breaks The Law

Is that “booty text” that important, John? She better have a badonka-donk like Vida Guerra to be risking my life.

Here’s a text I personally crafted to you: “ZOMG FU A-H0L3”

How John Handles Women

Last night, John Choi was sighted getting his first look at the final build of the upcoming Super Street Fighter 4 at Capcom’s Fight Club taking place at Slide in San Francisco (whew).

Eight beautiful setups featuring Mad Catz Tournament Edition joysticks were on site, as well as SRK royalty Tom and Tony Cannon, Mr. Wizard, Campbell Tran, Ricky Ortiz, Seth Killian, and Kineda. (And some ghetto white dude named Rob. I swear that guy has a GPS map of strip clubs within a 50-mile radius on him at all times.)

Funny but true story: According to early reports, these girls rolled up at the same machine John was whooping ass on. The girl on the right asked to play and got dat phat ass in line. While waiting, she ended up talking about how she used to LOVE Street Fighter “so, so much” and was excited to play Super Street Fighter 4 to check out all the girl fighters.

John, always intrigued by women (and even more so by women that can handle stix), was going to see if this girl could hang. Read more »